Wait. No, Not Like That.
Recent experiences have made me realize that the reason we often don't like accepting help is because it requires us to give up control, and that's not always easy, especially for those of us who pride ourselves on being a that self-reliant, "rugged, individualist".
This may be an epiphany only for me, but just in case you're in the midst of learning this too, I hope this helps.
When we need help, we have to accept that it might not get done *exactly* like we would do it, whether that's how the bed gets made, kitchen cleaned, or your child bathed, dressed, or something else entirely. I've always been fairly particular but not compared to a lot of folks I know, (but maybe that tells you something about my circles. Ha!)
My guess is that if you're reading this, it's because you find asking for and accepting help as difficult as I do.
In my case, recovering from birth was next level since I had a c-section. Plus, we have stairs in our house! I'm a big proponent of honoring the first 40 days postpartum, so I had planned to be gentle on myself and rest as much as possible anyway, but recovering took me longer than I thought it would, and I was forced to accept more help and for a longer period of time than I would have liked.
So when the baby doesn't match (according to me) because her dad dressed her, I'm learning to say 'thanks for getting her dressed' and be glad she has a daddy who's eager to be an involved parent. When the countertops don't get wiped down at night, I'm learning to say 'thank you for washing the dishes' and leave it at that. I'm fortunate that I have a husband who is always trying to help.
In my case, the struggle is allowing him to help--to do the things I feel I should be able to do.
This experience has made me realize that part of it is that a lot of my expectations are actually based on comparison. If my mom did it, or my mother-in-law did it, or my friend can do it, I should be able to, too, right? And then I think about people who have far less resources than I do, and how do they do it?
What this experience has also driven home for me is that EVERYONE.IS.DIFFERENT.
Every situation is different. And you really don't know what other people are dealing with internally. The mom that looks like she's got it all under control may be the same person who feels defeated every night. She may have accepted anxiety as a part of life, and she may be struggling to ask for help. She may be opening a bottle of wine every night and calling that "relaxing".
Ultimately, what I've realized is my biggest responsibility is myself,
and it's more responsible to ask for what I need--help--so that I can take care of myself. Wanting to be the best version of myself it not just self-serving; it allows me to be a better mom, wife, and doctor.
I absolutely believe that the world needs more happy families, and I think that starts with not being afraid to admit we can't do it all ourselves.
